When I started writing these entries, I went into it with the mindset of challenging other's thoughts and perspectives on the world. For one time, at least, I want to do the same for myself. In plenty of ways, I am happy with the life I have lived up to this point. But as time ticks along, I keep feeling more and more unfulfilled. Whether by luck or by choice (probably moreso the latter), I've found myself in a predicament - I feel like I have more to contribute to this world but the responsibilities in my life hinder my ability to just go out on a limb and hope for the best. This isn't in and of itself a bad thing - I would rather be happy and poor with my wife and soon-to-be two daughters than to be a high-paid celebrity that loses that nucleus as a result.
Still, I look at the innovators of this world and how they got to be industry icons and most did it in similar circumstances: when they were young and they had next to zero personal responsibility. Perhaps I haven't found the right example but you don't hear too often about the guy or gal who had 2 kids, a mortgage and all that comes with being an adult becoming a force of nature in their respective field of expertise. I would love to see those stories, understand how they did it, pick their brains about balancing life and vision.
Part of what all good visionaries have is passion in what they do. What I do now does not invoke in me a feeling of deep connection that would stoke a relentless drive to provide the very best to my clients. No, I support some boring, shitty initiatives that have no real major impact on the lives of anyone reading this - I write and facilitate training efforts for internal sales and support processes. Yeah, it's as totally gratifying as you can imagine. It's peanuts in the grand scheme of things and I want the steak.
Coming back to passion, half of my problems probably come about because I have no passion. It's just a reality - nothing in my business life evokes a sense of ownership in a way that makes me want to look at what I do in a different way or light. It's because what I do and support doesn't impact people's lives significantly - I'm a small cog in a VERY big clock. Now I'm not trying to say that I need to have the biggest cog, but perhaps I need to be a cog in a different clock.
Some people inherently know what they are supposed to do. For the better part of 15 years, I have yet to really stumble upon what that is for me. I keep asking myself: what am I passionate about? I now I'm not afraid of talking to a crowd but I don't have anything to talk about. Kip from Napoleon Dynamite and I are kindred spirits as I love technology (always and forever) but I don't have the technical chops to make something.
As I write that last paragraph, I know what all of "that" is: excuses. It's as simple as learning the skills, building something and telling people about it. It's so easy, right? It's daunting: the first thing that comes to mind is time. Let's take a step back for a second: how am I prioritizing my time and energy right now? Where can I trim the proverbial fat in my life? If I really want a change in my life, particularly my career, to give me some breathing room to realize my true goals, what can go and what needs to stay? What things do I need to be laser-focused on and what fluff needs to be eliminated? These are all questions I need to answer and, if you're in the same boat, you should consider. Maybe next time I write, I'll have answered a few.
